Evolving into lighter beings
(Johannesburg, South Africa)
I have questioned the purpose of life for as long as I could remember. I was always the odd kid out who asked too many questions, and more often than not I was told not to question but simply just to believe. I grew up in a very Christian environment and we were taught not to question, to fear God/Jesus, to go to church and basically just hope for the best. But I could not do that. I Needed answers. I needed to know. About 12 years ago I joined a meditation group. Very quickly I started having experiences of calmness. Suddenly it seemed that I was receiving answers to the questions I had been so desperate to know. I was hungry for more. I joined spiritual groups, read everything I could find, 'overdosed' on information, was convinced that I experienced an awakening (I felt like I was in a state of all knowing, a state where there were no more questions, where everything suddenly made sense). At the end of 2014 we went away on holiday to Cape Town. While there I had no desire for meditation or spiritual practice/ books etc. We were there for about a month, and when I got back I still did not feel like engaging in anything 'spiritual/metaphysical'. I had a thought that perhaps I had lost it all. When I discussed it with my daughter she remarked that she felt very much the same. We came to the conclusion that Cape Town is already a spiritual place, and that you don't need gimmicks or materials there. It is a place that you can just be. It has stayed with me. I am still in the same 'place' now, except now that I have left the concepts behind, I am noticing things that I did not notice before. I am more aware of physical effects in my body and what they mean. I have been experiencing strange headaches, pains in my jaw and gums, stiffness of neck, weird shooting pains throughout my body. I am woken at night by strange dreams, have memories of things happening to people that I do not know, see flashes of blue, white and sometimes other colours of light in the corner of my eye, can feel when the energy in the room changes. I used to feel cold all the time, now I am hot all the time. But it is a strange burning heat on the inside while my body feels cool on the outside. I am unable to meditate for longer than 10 minutes at a time. Sometimes I will wake up feeling like there is an intense pressure around me (like a heavy blanket, which I attribute to all of the negative energy of others that I unintentionally picked up during the day. But the amazing thing is that although it can get intense, it does not bother me. I know that it is just evolution in the making, except this time we are more conscious of the changes happening. We have come a long way since our caveman days, and we have a long way to go still, except that this change is toward a lighter body. We are changing into beings who will no longer be so attached to the physical. All change comes with it's challenges, but these only become an issue if we resist it. If we remind ourselves that we have always been changing, that it is a beautiful thing, the transition will become easier. If we allow ourselves to move with the tide instead of swimming against it, it all makes sense, it becomes natural.