very frightened, searching for an answer

by april
(hawaii)

Yea I don't know how or exactly when maybe in march, my birthday? its weird and I don't know why I have this, I keep searching for a reason...is it god? are we evolving?? is this part of the 90% we don't use of our brain??, some mutation, alien hybrids??...is it satan? the web has many explanations and that's one I found that really scares me a lot...the bible talks about gifts...is this the end of times?? what am i supposed to do with it?? I keep hearing people say that's the one...the one what? am I meant for a higher purpose? people call me a witch, satan, sinner, im am really sad, it hurts bad, it sometimes makes my chest hurt so badly I feel like its going to explode. its annoying because I come from a place where everyone knows each other and so now everyone knows about me and im being observed and hated on by almost everyone, there are a few people in my corner and im grateful because in hard times their soothing voice makes me feel better. but it freaks me out, people are soo mean in their thoughts, some are nice but there seems to be a battle of people wondering if im satan or an angel, they know about my abilities and I think it scares them, it scares me more, especially because I start to wonder if their right about me being evil, i mean i know i get mad and annoyed sometimes, but is that the evil? and the crazy thing is everyday, I evolve, I learn how to shut it on and off better, I learn how to try to hone in on one person sometimes, but i don't really like to do that because i feel its wrong. I don't have full control it just comes in like they are in the same room talking, and now I can hear the spirits voice clear as day too, when it first happened it was so overwhelming because it was spirits and people and I had had enough, but its getting better each day. I have other powers but those are cool, this is the only one that disturbs my life! im a freak, I don't want to go anywhere because I cant stand hearing peoples thoughts, I hear people I know from other islands, sometimes I cant tell whos voice it is, then I meet them and it clicks, sometimes its someone I haven't met that just know me and yea anyways. im open to another part of this world that most people or at least I thought most don't see, I see I hear I dream I smell i can control somethings sometimes, but the voices hurt the worst because they are so mean, it sad, I don't know what to do they are hurting my feelings, and they don't even know me! I wish there were a manual or person to talk to. the worst part is spirits can enter me, I don't know how to close myself. there was a bad one in me, and the good spirits took it out, but I messed up and now a smaller version is back, so I have to go to the place where they found out and ask for forgiveness and see if they can take this one out too and then ill never go back to the bad place again....its wayyy too much, sometimes my head hurts too when I cant control it and theres too many voices coming in, it hurts. now i know the battle between good and evil does exist. so now what? how do i protect myself from evil and keep good, how do i use this power for only good, and where is the off switch?! ps is it weird that i think i can hear god too?

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