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Feelings of unreality - purification?

by Jenny

It started a few weeks ago when I started reading a dissertation on Richard Rose’s teachings (an American spiritual teacher who had a profound awakening – he died in 2005). Anyway, his teachings are quite intense about following the path to the Absolute, as he calls it. I also started reading writings from former students of Richard Rose. At the same time, I put away my Course in Miracles book, which I had been diligently studying for 1 year. Also, I started sitting outside in nature (our back yard) for longer periods each day, just sitting and paying attention to being aware. Then strong emotions started coming up, guilt, shame, fear, unworthiness, all stuff from my past. So I allowed that stuff to come out whenever it came up. Then I started to have periods of feeling very out of touch with normal reality, sort of like a racing mind, but very confused, and not really knowing who I was at all. I was able to sit with these periods and just bring awareness to it. I was wondering if I was going crazy though. Anyway, these periods have been happening more frequently, until last night was the worst one. Before bed, I had the worst feelings of unreality I had had to date, with some feelings of pain at the crown chakra, then I had a panic attack after feeling unreal for a while. I was very afraid. Then I woke up in the middle of the night with a huge panic attack, that left me terrified. First the fear and adrenaline came, then my heart raced madly, and my body was filled with high voltage energy, and I was lying there with bouts of shaking all over, and feeling terrified I would die. I didn’t feel anything going up my spine per se, but the energy was coursing through my whole body. Finally it subsided, and I lay there for a few hours, before finally being able to get some sleep. Also, during these times of unreality, I am not able to think clearly in a logical way, so you might say my left brain is not working clearly. It’s remarkable that I have been able to “step back” during these times of unreality and observe it happening, except for last night, when I got immersed in it and was not able to step back mentally. I thought I was losing my mind.

The funny thing about all this is that when I started the spiritual journey, I thought it would be all happiness and wonderful feelings. Boy, was I wrong! It seems that studying the Course prepared me for this though. I had some wonderful experiences while studying the Course, including my crown chakra opening with a nice little click and rotating motion while meditating one day, but now this journey seems to have all turned painful. Also, I am embracing the fact that I am not in control, and surrendering daily, so that is actually helping to surrender, and to pray. I also find it very helpful to pray for others, as somehow that seems to comfort me in return.

Comments for Feelings of unreality - purification?

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Feb 12, 2014
Feelings of unreality
by: Anonymous

Look into Kundulini awakening symptoms. :)

Aug 07, 2010
by: Anonymous

Anxious and terrified feelings are usually the result of a resistance to letting go and trusting the divine completely. That means letting go of the past, letting go of guilt, letting go of expectations for the future, letting go of expectations in our relationships, and letting go of fear. I pray for the strength and wisdom to trust in the divine 100%, and to let the divine guide me every second of every day. As the light continues to infuse my body, I'm finding it easier to let go and trust. And it feels good. It feels great.

Jul 29, 2010
by: Anonymous


Jul 28, 2010
by: Jenny

Thanks, Alfred, for your comments. I went to the health supplement store, and got 5-HTP. It's for balancing the brain chemistry. Anyway, it has helped so much with the anxiety/panic/fear. I'm so thankful. I still have the other symptoms, but the 5-HTP is making them bearable. Also, I take GABA at bedtime, it also helps with brain chemistry.

Jul 28, 2010
Your'e not alone
by: Alfred

Facing our past is not a pretty sight...Better now than later... but have faith and stay focused...find aids to help you...I do a few affirmations just to keep me focused and in the positive. Thought control also helps a lot...our mind like to be "creative" (-:
my favorite three words at the moment: Repent,Redeem and Transcend ---

with you in spirit on this most fabulously challenging journey
Love and light

Jul 27, 2010
Thank you Lois.
by: Jenny

It sounds like your mantra is a method of being in the Now. It is helping me greatly to read a little Eckhart Tolle every day, and bring awareness into my inner body when the anxiety comes, and stay present in the body - this really cuts down on the mental activity, which only fuels the anxiety or fear. A bath sounds very nice too! Thank you for your comments, I appreciate it.

Jul 27, 2010
by: LOIS

I have been having the same experiences. With me it's come down to accepting some of the pain as promptings to intercede for our planet and there are other pains that are changing pains. We can't ask for growth and work to be done without expecting growing pains. That's when we call on our fellow Light workers to do their part just as we do for them when they need it! I have found two things that help when I feel a lot of pain or my thoughts stray into a fearful place. #1. I say a Tibetan mantra that stops suffering! It closes the gates to Samsara. It is very simple, all soft A's
(A A HA SA SHA MA) #2 I get into water. Any water! Maybe it's just me but I feel that water is the most relaxing thing we have.

I have also found that I can not be around people who are not working towards ascension. This actually causes me pain to see people so blank and empty. Their drama is completely senseless and their depth is shallow. I know we are all one but I can not be around them, it's too draining for me.
I hope my sharing helped you in some way. This is my first share here.
Lovingly, Lois

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